My head felt like a bludgeon had made a home in it, my neck felt missing like a guillotine had taken it off. I was rumbling in a sea of disorder thoughts, looking for the shore of consciousness. I remembered the car, the arrival at the black party but many of what transpired that night was lost in a sea of memories, it was like my mind didn’t want to remember.
My buttocks felt sore, my mouth taste weird. It was like I had forgotten how my body should feel like, there was pain everywhere and more pain in my precious region which drew me into more confusion as I tried to piece together how and what happened. The marks on my skin and feelings in my body were the only evidence of what transpired the night before.
I feel the assault of the cold floor on my skin as I try to pick myself together. Getting up felt like standing up after a marathon, all my muscles resisted crying foul. I open my pin pricked eyes to find myself in a foreign abode, dull of senses as the light painfully dug into my iris, I dragged my sluggish legs beneath me searching for meaning in so much confusion.
As I took my first step I nearly fell as my feet wobbled. It was then I noticed that my panties were missing, I kept moving because the possibilities going through my mind scared me. I took one painful step after another looking for the door, it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do because all my body scream rest, all I wanted was to curling up and go to sleep but the fear I had kept me going. I was barely holding on when I saw the first rays of sunshine, all I knew was that time seemed to slow as I push the door into the traitorous warmth of sun. It was then I allowed myself to rest, trying to piece together what I had just experienced. I hoped all my worries will evaporate and everything will be a dream, little did I know that knowing was the last thing I ever wanted.
Bane of virgins, scum of earth and curse of the ignorant. You who took my dignity without my consent, I curse the day we met. Tongues of deceit and friend of the flesh, I despise my heart for listening to your lies. Betrayer of friendship, master destroyer and lord of the heartless, I remember your sting. Backstabber and devourer of trust, you took when I least expected. You who took what should be freely given, I am but your latest victim.
Robbed of my precious dignity, I sulk on the misery I find myself in. I seek what was taken, the light that illuminated my soul and prided my heart. I look for recourse for the pain I felt and the insanity I defied. I search for justice, the immortal God karma to avenge my disgrace and humiliation. I moved from place to place seeking he who dwells within the night, I asked and search but no one saw anything. It was a hopeless quest but I kept on searching until all semblance of hope was lost. At that moment, I accepted because there was no other thing left but to move on. I may moved on but I will never forget, as parts of me still seek my treasure which was taken.