It’s another Thursday and Thursdays are for relationship advice with me, your one and only Agony Aunt. We got this submission during the week and we would like to share this reader’s story with the rest of you. Feel free to comment after the post.
I am a well renowned Yoruba demon. I see a hot girl, target acquired, and I’m on her case until she folds and gives into my advances. Once I get what I want, it’s bye bye Jessica or Betty or Tolu… You get the gist. You want to know why I’m telling you this? It’s because I was in love once with this girl Nancy, and she ripped my heart from my chest and tore it to shreds.
I used to be a nice guy, sweet, gullible, romantic… and Nancy was my whole world. I would literally have done anything for her. I’m an okay looking guy, but Nancy was gorgeous, she was way out of my league, she knew it, I knew it, so I did everything to make her happy.
We met in 100 level at uni, I was still a young man living of my mom’s merger allowie, hustling to make something of myself and also trying to provide for my babe too, needless to say, things weren’t easy. I thought Nancy was okay with me just the way I was, atleast that’s what she told me, but I thought wrong.
After about a year and half, Nancy started getting flashy new things, jewelry, watches, bundles of human hair, and they obviously were not coming from my pocket. So I asked her what was going on and she told me not to worry that her uncle just came back from jand and he was spoiling her a little. Even though I was uncomfortable with another man spending on my girl, it made her happy, so I let it go.
Then, rumors started flying around that she was a runs girl and even though I changed it for a lot of my guys when they tried joking about it, I was afraid the rumors were true. However, I didn’t know what to do about it then, I just carried on like everything was fine, kept trying to please her with my every evening chicken and chips after her classes.
One night, I was heading to the library to study, and to my utter shock, I saw one bald, fat, old man groping my babe’s breast as they made out in one dark corner. Adrenaline rushed through my veins as I ran and accosted the bastard who turned out to be my HOD by the way. Nancy was in shock and I got indefinitely suspended, but that didn’t hurt as much as what I had witnessed that night. Nancy came clean after that and confessed that she had been dating older guys because she felt bad for me and that I couldn’t provide for her financially. Pathetic as I was, I told her that I was sorry, and that I forgave her and I told her I’d work two extra jobs to give her what she deserved, but she couldn’t continue seeing these men. Nancy told me that she couldn’t do it, and that one of them had already paid for her trip to SA and then, she broke up with me. It’s been 3yrs.
Fast forward to now, when I just might be the biggest fuckboy in the world. I got into a uni in Ghana, met a couple of guys that helped me deal with heart break in their own way, now I’m a serving in Abj.
Two weeks ago, I met Nancy at camp, even though I was surprised to see her, I acted causal and we talked for a while. She told me she was sorry, blamed the devil, said she always loved me but she was young and foolish and later that night we had amazing sex. She told me that she loved me and wanted us to be a couple again.
The problem is, I don’t think I want that. At first, I honestly just wanted to smash, thought revenge sex was all the closure I needed. Now, I feel a little differently, like she’s awoken some part of me I thought I killed. After what she did to me, how could I ever trust any female again? But being with her brought back some good memories. I don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice?
Interesting story. You seem to be in a pickle right here. Of course, I always have advice, both good and bad, that is what I’m here for. Your job is to decipher which is which and make the choice your heart wants. Now let’s dissect your issue shall we?
You know, someone once told me that broke boys don’t have any business having girlfriends, they are a waste of time and resources and they would later dump your ass like hot moi-moi once they find a bigger boy. Well, while I don’t always agree with my friend about most things, it seems like she was right about this one, in your case anyway.
I tend to think of things more differently, or practically sometimes. A lot of girls like good things. They want money, they want love, they want a paid trip to SA… and they want the guy they are with to provide it for them. Most times, the guys they actually like can’t afford that lavish lifestyle, so while some are genuinely okay with that(probably 2% of the population) others tend to flock to the guys that can provide these things, even if they’re old and bald, money makes everything attractive.
Now I’m not trying to justify what your Nancy did, it’s ethically wrong. But then, if you’re trying to justify having revenge sex and using other girls as play things ethically, then maybe ethics has been thrown to the wind.
Human beings are selfish by nature, she showed that in her dumping you for money, and you’ve shown that in using other girls to heal. Now you don’t know if you can trust if her intentions are pure. The truth is, you can’t. You would never trust her. You know why? It’s because trust is earned. It doesn’t happen after a night of steamy heat and passion. It grows after being nurtured, just like a plant.
I would say, if you feel you don’t love her any more and it was just for sex, then let her go, move on don’t give her that power over you. But if you still have feelings for this girl and she still has feelings for you, then by all means, give it a try, but don’t lose yourself in the process.
When you were together, it kind of sounded like you had inferiority complex, having it at the back of your mind that she could do better than you, doubting your own worth. Well, you probably doubted yourself out of a girlfriend. Understand that if you’re both going to be in a relationship, then it’s going to be an interdependent one, both of you should grow together, if she can’t handle it, there will be another girl that will if you give her a chance.
Be confident in yourself and make her understand where you’re at right now. By the sound of it, you’re still a corper and you probably still don’t have the resources to give her enough sugar for her sweet tooth, and yet, she’s still asking for you. Maybe it was in the heat of passion, maybe she just missed the sex, who knows. You can only find out if you want to try.
My only solemn advice to you is to tread carefully and don’t give your parched up heart again too soon. Grow in trust and not in lust.
On the other hand, you could always say now is your chance, you can deal with her, show her what it feels like to have her heart broken, play with her feelings and continue your Yoruba demonry. While that seems fair, you would just have to hope and pray that karma role you’re filling doesn’t come back to you or your future daughter in her teenage days.
In any case, the choice is yours, and if you don’t trust me enough, you can see what other readers think in the comment section below.
Your Aunt Agony.