1. The Blessing After A Sneeze!
Why do I have to ask heaven to bless someone (friend or foe) all because they sneezed? Is that dust- filled ,teary –eyed, saliva-generous sound of “ACHOOOOO!” amazingly the criteria for being blessed by God? What if they sneezed on me and I’m pissed? What if we’re knee deep in a bitter malice and I’ve sworn not to break the silence? What if I don’t want to bless them? Does a sneeze make everything okay?
2. I Slept Like A Baby
“How was your nap? ”
“So good,I slept like a baby”
No you did not sleep like a baby! A baby sleeps in a crib, shits and pees in its diapers, wakes up every two hours and cries at the slightest disturbance. You slept like an adult who had a restful undisturbed sleep.
3. “No Offence”
“No offence, but you act like an idiot sometimes”
This one baffles me the most! It makes absolutely no sense to use the phrase “No offence” and in the same breadth, say something genuinely offensive; like the phrase makes everything go away. The words “No offense” are so synonymous to offensiveness that the moment you hear a person say them to you, you know they’re about to say the most unkindest, rudest and offensive things known to man. Or do people just say it purposely to soften the blow? Hit me up in the comment box if you know why.
4. The Letter *W*
This, to me, is one of the seven wonders of the world! Why did whoever-named-the-letters-of-the-alphabet decide to call this letter a DOUBLE U when it’s clearly a DOUBLE V! On closer inspection, the hand written smaller representation of the letter is indeed a DOUBLE U, but does that mean that the small letters were discovered before the capital letters and had already been named? But having discovered the discrepancy, why wasn’t the name or the letter itself changed to avoid confusion? I’m going to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
5. Using LOL all the time.
I understand that a lot of people use this to lighten the mood while chatting but why so much tho?All it ever does is make the conversation awkward.I know you’re not laughing. It’s no secret. If you found it funny, you would probably reply with a “hahahahahahahahaha”( If you’re one of those people that use this with a straight face I DON’T RESPECT YOU!). So stop *LOLing* at everything I say….I’M NOT THAT FUNNY!
6.We Need To *Flit* This House
If you’ve never heard this phrase before then you are clearly not Nigerian. I spent a long time of my life believing this *flit* was an actual word but it’s not! IT DOES NOT EXIST! So how, beloved people, did we come up with such a spicy word to mean *spraying insecticide*?
Ignoring that Kim Kardarshian gets paid to take selfies, ladies now have sqiggly brows and the one corner virus is now in Nigeria, what other things generally don’t make sense to you?